"In the world which is upside down, the true is a moment of the false."
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| rock and roll means fuck "In the world which is upside down, the true is a moment of the false." |
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Tuesday, December 17, 2002 in the last 2 years i've lost the two most important, most influential people in my life, my father and grandfather. i was in the room with both of them when they died, holding their hands. i always knew that those days would come, always, but when they did i was so not ready. they were some of the most emotionally and spirtitually difficult days of my life, though strangely enlightening as well. i really thought that after all of that i had earned a merit badge in "emotionally tough" or something, perhaps "insight in to the human condition gained through horrific grief and steadfast determination to do the right thing by these men no matter what". maybe i did earn those things. i dunno. all i can say is that the last 6 weeks have made both of those experiences seem so fucking mickey-mouse.. i really thought that i had generated something of an emotional skin, an existential armor. i was wrong.i really didn't believe that life was capable of breaking my heart further or with the same kind of violence. i didn't think it possible to be devestated in such a way again (or to devestate myself in such a manner, for that matter). oh, well. here i am in dec of 2002 lower than i have ever, ever been. i so wish that i could just vanish, just disappear and have no one miss me. i would do it in a heartbeat. i just want it to stop. posted by downtown | 10:29 PM |
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Cost of the War in Iraq
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