"In the world which is upside down, the true is a moment of the false."
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| rock and roll means fuck "In the world which is upside down, the true is a moment of the false." |
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Saturday, May 03, 2003 i've always had a thing for dates, for history. i just can't let this little milestone pass without comment. it was 6 months ago today (nov 2) that a certain event came to pass that turned my life completely upside down for a bit and was the impetus for creating the ongoing missive that you, dear reader, are perusing at this very moment, our beloved rock and roll means fuck. that saturday was the day the ex totally dumped my ass sending me on one of the more harrowing and fucked up episodes of my life to date. i mean really. i really kinda lost my freakin' mind there for a bit in a way that i really didn't believe that i was capable of. though some may disagree, i am, for the most part, a fairly level-headed, well adjusted, reasonable, some would say "stoic" even, kinda guy. i don't get that upset easily and i don't let myself be stolen away with outrageously giddy optimism either. i just get up every morning and try to do what i can to better my lot and those of others with a minimum of emotional instability. it kicked me in the ass, the head, the heart. i am, for all intents and purposes, better now, though for awhile there i personally doubted that i would ever be ok again. hell i wasn't certain that would even eat again. i spent a great deal of time quite literally curled up in a ball on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. it wasn't pretty. not at all. if anything, it was pretty damned scary. there was a point where i quite literally thought i would die, just not wake up one morning. no shit. it was fucking awful. i'm at a place now where i feel mostly comfortable in my own skin again, though, much a like an old knee injury or the like, you know that part of you will never really be 100% again. you can run sure enough, maybe even dance, but don't push it, that knee can buckle again and we remember how fucking awful that was, don't we? don't get me wrong. it was an absolutely horrific experience, one made even worse by my absolutley pathetic and ill advised reaction to it, but these are the types of experiences that resonate most deeply in the grand scheme of things. they are what makes us who we are. i've accumulated quite a few of the scars that you can't really see over the past two years and change or so, but, to be honest, i'm oddly proud of them. i've been through some pretty damned awful shit over that time and, well, i'm still here, for fuck's sake. hey, fate, take that. it would be much worse to be so out of touch that nothing ever touches you, to experience life through someone else's (usually televised, usually fictional) travails. it sucks total ass when life kicks you in the teeth in such a way,but, let's face it, such shit is what reconnects us with the rest of the human herd, reconnects us with a hard earned empathy for the misfortunes and our perceived shortcomings of others in a way that nothing else ever really ever could. it's how we become who we are supposed to be , for cryin' out loud. sucks but true. ughh... posted by downtown | 4:29 AM |
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Cost of the War in Iraq
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